Battle of JJ(2015)- This battle was fought solely between Jimmy and Johnny Guest and the terrorists in Afghanistan. The terrorists almost beat the guests by backing them into a corner until the third guest family member Jack sewed himself to his brothers, and they killed all living human beings in the Middle East. Total Casualties Guests: 0, Terrorists: 5,000. Result: Jimmy,Johnny and Jack became conjoined triplets making for them becoming a bigger terrorists killing threat.
Jerkwater, USA where many died and Rambo emerged.
Battle of Jerkwater USA(1981)- This was the famous battle between Rambo and some jerk-off cops. This was the first battle for Rambo. He defeated some shithead cop who didn't want for him to enter a town for a bite to eat, I shit you not. This battle was named after the quote that Colonel Trautman made:"Here lies John Rambo recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor, Killed for Vagrancy in Jerkwater USA." Casualties:Rambo:0 Cops: Two actually, one fell from a helicopter and the other was killed by Rambo. Result:Unleashed Rambo.
Battle for Mars(2016)- This was Chasers finest battle. Here he started doing confusing things. he had backup in the form of the scientist from Take On Mars and the guy from Kreed. This battle was utterly pointless as the scientist died immediately and Kreed was broken as fudge, Casualties: Chaser:1 Other Guys:0, there were no other people.Result: Nothing
Battle of Commie Motherfuckers(1987)-This was the battle between Dick Marcinko and the whole North Korean army. This battle was one by Dick Marcinko and America itself by delaying the war a few years so Murica could regroup after the Battle Of Jerkwater USA. Casualties: USA:2 North Korea: 700 and a nuke. Results: Dick Marcinko shoves a knife up Kim Jong-Ils asshole.
Battle of the Balls (1940)- after catching wind of Hitler's Ball-Powered Ubersoldiers , Terry and Karl invade Nazi Germany and Afrika to stop the Ubersoldiers from winning the war by blowing their nuts off . Casualties: 500 Nazis, 10 Americans and 1000 Balls. Results: Cups were invented and Hitler was forced to work at Dorsney Lorn.
Battle of Dorsney Lorn/The Great Jo Wood Uprising(1992)- This battle is the time when the war took a dramatic turn. Jo Wood a seemingly normal general in the army suddenly snapped and took his army to a normal amusement park named Dorsney Lorn , There the horrors of war came out to the innocent people attending Dorsney Lorn. Jo Wood started murdering them all. The parks mascots Morky and Minty Moose and Dornald the Dork were given sever PTSD and were psychologically fucked and started torturing and murdering anyone who entered DL, so they can't have the same fate as the children who died in the battle.Casualties:USA:1 normal general, DL:500 children and the minds of 3 mascots. Results: Dorsney Lorn is transformed into a normal amusement park to hell on Earth and Jo Wood would forever lose his mind and spend all his time making a game about the future.
Battle of Derwittos(2020)- This battle was caused by a debate between Kevin Spacey and somepowerfulidiots over which was better, Dorittos or Mountain Dew.The debate transformed into Advanced Warfare(not Modern Warfare but Advanced!) and nobody survided!Casualties: Everyone.Result: Created Dewrittos.
Aftermath[]
After the Treaty of Ibn Battuta on 4/20/2020, world peace was achieved but after the president was assassinated a few days later by an Alien, his vice president,Dexter, passed theDorkus Act which caused a Lady in Latex to create PMCs and kill everyone. a group of idiots fought back, lead by John Blade, but his shitty game was canceled and was never heard from again. after the cancellation,everyone killed themselves for missing Blade. The mass suicide caused a great wasteland in which only one utopia remains, which gets robbed quite easily by an Actor.
Trivia[]
Johnny Guest killed 4 hostages with a grenade because he didn't have his special gloves.
Munt,Joel, and Dexter assassinated Tunt with a laser rifle made from a dead Terminator sent to kill them.
Jake Conway was a veteran from the Battle of Jerkwater. He wasn't a cop or anything, he was hiding in the police station jerking his water while Rambo was shooting the place up.
